How did I end up here? Do I even want to be here? The first question I got covered. You either already know me and, like a sheep ( my word for friend ) got suckered here or you were on some fantastical porn site and, hit some misplaced link to cover up your actual intentions. Personally, I hope it’s the latter. You see that plays more into what I’ll be talking about for a bit today. OK, so today my wife is scouring the local craigslist for freelance graphics work. I of course am dillegently referencing and, researching for my own assorted projects. ( I.e. reading comics ) Suddenly, my wife calls to me with a question. ” Would you have a problem with me being a foot model? ” Well no of course I wouldn’t I suppose as long as I know what all this entails. So begins a lovely journey via e-mail to discuss foot jobs, strippers and all the merryment that comes when adults discuss such things. Now to be honest if you were to ask me several or so years ago if I thought there was such a thing as a fetish to stare at woman’s feet let alone to get my penis wanked off by them I would have laughed in your face.
The very notion that one would pay someone to masturbate them with their feet to me seems preposterous. I mean just being economical here but wouldn’t it make more sense to just pay for the bj or at least the classic handy? Don’t start trying to explain a fetish to me, cause I get that. You wanna wear latex OK, you want to dress up as a baby and, have me change you OK. You wanna hop in the pool rub your ass against the vacuum while jerking it and, try to catch the jizz, sounds like a party. Hell, I’m cool with the idea of people getting dressed up as a dying Patrick Swayze, shitting themselves and, screaming ” no one puts baby in a corner! ” all whilst sodomizing a clown. These things make sense to me because of their absurdity. The idea of ejaculating to someone’s feet though. It just feels…….stupid. You are for the most part asking someone to repeatedly kick you in the dick. Congratulations.
Apparently though, there are whole groups of people with this “fetish”. The entire thing is ridiculous. So these people e-mail my wife back asking if she would be interested in doing foot jobs. ( see there was a point ) Of course we’re not cool with any of this. The entire thing is simply absurd. That feeling you have right now is one of two things. Either, you got a slight chuckle ( which I can’t say for sure but, might make you slightly retarded ) which is good, I admire your enjoyment of bright colors and, vulgar language. Then there is the good chance that you feel dirty, violated, offended perhaps raped ( cause if you ask any rape victim to describe the event they all say, ” it’s totally like reading a blog ” ) which is how I like to picture it going. Worry not though. I will leave you with something sincere,
Sometimes images of my dead mother manifest themselves as trains.
Oh, I lied, see you soon.
– Nivek Natnof