SPOILER ALERT: I DIE AT THE END

To say I’m tired of it all is an understatement. This past week a dear friend of mines nephew committed suicide. I was there when the boy was born, I by way of my friendship with his uncle participated in a larger part of this boys life than I have yet my own children. From what I am to understand this has left his grandmother questioning what type of god would and, his mother declaring it the work of Satan. I pause take my ear buds out and wonder as well. The world is darker without you Shea.

Two and a half years ago I lost my mother. It shakes me to my very core to this day. But, with all that’s occurred with Shea I find fewer places to hide my thoughts. The typical places I his my feelings suddenly become illuminated as if to accuse me. For fucks sake I sound as mundane as goth poetry.

In all reality I am just another nameless and, faceless depressed monkey. I can never be so arrogant as to deny some creator, I just won’t delude myself to ever imagine he cared. I don’t believe in past lives, I don’t think I was a floating perfect soul before I was sent here to be tested. I don’t recall any of that let alone none of it would make sense. I accept I was made and then discarded. I accept I will die and be forgotten. I will die a man with regrets just as will any of you reading this. What I can not accept is the endless stream of piss and, shit and, violence and anger perpetuated by ” god fearing ” people.

The people we love get taken from us daily, you take them for granted, that they will always be there…..till they aren’t . I’m just rambling away, I know. I’m just venting so fuck you for pointing it out.

I don’t know why I write these no one comments on them if they even read them. But, fuck it. It makes me feel better.

-NivekNatnof

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