Bugs Bite Me

This morning I was charged with disposing of an inflatable pool my father in law bought for my children. The damned thing has mostly sat and, gathered random sticks etc etc. So, here I am stabbing this pool when Bria Beyerl points out to methat there is a grasshopper stuck in the pool and, apparently he has broken his “jumping” leg. So we pause, figure out a solution to retrieving the grasshopper so he is not killed and, can once again roam free. BUT! He can not touch Bria cause they re gross and, she will scream. ::sigh:: So after making a chain of scissors we carefully guide Jimminy ( thats what I am naming him ) to safety i resume pulling this deflated shit fest to the curb. WAIT! Whats this? A baby grasshopper has now jumped into the fray and, is pinned beneath the weight of the pool ?! Certainly we can not have this so I once again pause and, save the feeble childs insignificant life. ( I swear to you if there is some greater divine grasshopper like deity out there he better be fucking paying attention. ) This morning can not be anymore excellent. I manage to get the pool to the curb and, walk back to the back yard when i notice a small fire. What is this fire surrounding? A FUCKING FAMILY OF GRASSHOPPERS! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN I EXCLAIM! ” She knocked over our oil lamp! The father hopper points accusingly at my wife. Why, who would give you a fucking oil lamp? “She said we could use it to light our Fall Festival!” I stare back at my wife with exasperated confusion. I then rush in to save the family. When I make it out, the father’s little grasshopper lungs are already collapsing his children are alive but, i couldn’t get his wife in time. SO here I am finishing my morning cup of coffee standing over a freshly dug grasshopper grave. Her childrens sobs pierce the silence of a somber day. Stay Golden Pony Boy. I hope you fucking die S. E. Hinton.Image


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