Custom Created Concern

If everything you ever knew was wrong, I mean really, everything turned out to be the exact opposite of everything of how you either hoped, dreamed, been taught or cared for it to be would that mean that you were as well?

Bear in mind, the entirety of your existence you have defined yourself by these imagined standards and so you yourself become a sort of avatar of that belief do you not? I am not speaking of myself I am I am simply positing the question; I ask this question because as I sit here wracked with insomnia, disheveled, trying to determine the best way to respond to inquiries about my own well being by people who have never laid eyes upon my being. I find myself audience to the gadabouts and the late night adventures across the interwebs.

I do not mean to seem ineffectual to such custom created concern. I thank you.

The question again though; How much do our beliefs make of us? Certainly, (there is that word again! (I met certainty here for reference sake) it is our system of beliefs that compose a rather large majority of the mainframe which is I. So it is safe to reason than that if said system was found to be imperfect or wrong entirely that we ourselves would be as well? I of course am not speaking on the nature of right and wrong; even if I were it is safe to say that those two concepts are circumstantial and situational at the best of times. So no that is not what I mean when I say, “if my belief is wrong am I as well wrong?” What I am in actuality asking is “does this make me flawed?”

Does not being correct and having believed in the incorrect make me as a being flawed in nature? Wait stop. No. not nature. That is something to talk about at another time. Does not being correct and having believed in the incorrect make me as a being flawed in my humanity? Is my humanity flawed? Have I gone about it incorrectly the entire time? What would that mean perhaps for the radical fundamentalist who let us say for example attempts to immolate themselves and any surrounding via explosive vest; only to find he has not attached his or her wires correctly, might I dare say they had their wires crossed even. Let us say after this failure they realize the absurdity of their actions. Do they in turn now knowing their beliefs were for the sake of this discussion incorrect, do they know themselves to be flawed? Do they notice the puzzle piece that has been somehow yanked out of their frame? Like an alcoholics “moment of clarity” as it were; do they now see themselves as they are?

I wonder this if for no other reason than to also wonder that upon finding this flaw could you simply not find the flaw and correct it? Maybe shuffle the box we call life around and find the oddly shaped corner piece that you now see is missing. Is it not tiresome the amount of metaphors one must use to explain or discuss our own existence? I digress though, it stands to reason that you could given the chance sort of auto correct yourself. Better manage your damage.

you could hit our very own control alt delete.

Of course it would not be as easy as one two three but nothing ever is so fuck it. You get the idea though don’t you? Oh great imaginary friend, Oh Certainty you understand don’t you? Certainty, oh sweet Certainty, you certainly understand what all of this implies? How could you? We were both always in the backseat with the music blasting.

Is it all getting to weird for you now?

Imagine being me.

Insomnia, Certainty and myself laying in bed writing words no one will read. To pass time that does not exist.

Do you see what I am building yet?

You will.



One thought on “Custom Created Concern

  1. Pingback: A Wasp Factory | niveknatnof's Blog

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