I no longer enjoy writing pleasantries for introductions to these bits.

It’s not even that I do not want to, I simply fail to see a point. I keep trying to talk to others about it. I tell them how I feel. I say what is going on. I swear to you, it is like I am literally saying nothing. Like the words I am saying are not the words I think I am saying. If you had heard what I had just told you we would sit down and discuss this. No you say you wish you could help but….::you just smile, shrug your shoulders and we carry on::

It only upsets me because I know how to fix this. I know what I have to do and I am willing to do it but I cannot do it. I need to see my Dr., I cannot do that till December. I thought of seeing a different doctor but I do not have the money to throw at a new doctor who will tell me to see my reg doctor to get the prescription I already cannot afford so that I can stop looking at myself like that.

I am not crying for help.

I want someone to understand what it is I am describing though. For your sons. For your daughters. Your husbands. Your wives. Your Families blood and your Families stone. Let someone get something from all of this. I fear I will break my own hand I am squeezing it so tight to wake myself up.

Your not even listening are you? How could you? I haven’t said anything.

 

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