Hello Imaginary Friends of the Multiverse.
Life. There is something out there people say. They advertise it constantly through useless nick knacks, they try to immortalize it in Hallmark cards and photos. Dusty remnants of a time we barely recognize. A time we might have at one point thought to be the single most important of it’s kind. It might or might not be. Who knows.
The thing I am learning more and more as I age and encroach upon entropy is that there is.
On again, off again spiraling madness of depression littered fits of mania aside. The lion’s share of my mental stability is actually very quaint. Regardless of how I may or may not present it on the outside. Those who know me , know the truth and, I like to think they understand. I like to think they understand that through the rants and the seemingly endless tirades against…seemingly everything; that there is a part of me which searches for that floss like silver lining.
Most people just don’t notice when things are actually OK. They barely fucking notice when things are shit and, for the life of me I cannot decide which is worse. The idea of it all is like bitter test chemicals running down my throat. It excites me and makes me sick all at once. This looks like it is going to be a depressing read.
This is all about Life. How sometimes you trip on the silver lining and fall face first into something restless and, it reminds you of the amazing things in your own life. My brother got married a million years ago on a Saturday in September. I met my brother and his wife and the rest of my brothers in person for the first time the preceding Thursday night. I wont lie, I was terrified it would be awkward; I tell you now how I felt when I stepped off that plane and into Jersey was harmonious.
This event that has been building for the past several years in one form or another finally found form September 16 2016 at 12:23 a.m EST. It went the only way it could for us. The world since my return has been back to suit. Chaos has festered once again, all our lives are upside down again. We struggle to maintain what hope we had so fondly remembered having; hope that made us loosen our stranglehold on our sensibilities. Hope that allowed us to forget the horrible shit stain of reality.
It never last.
Life does not allow for immense moments of pleasure without taking it’s turn in full.
November 18, 2016 three months into what should be the start of the best times of their lives; life reminds you it takes no prisoners.
My sister in law Corinne was taken to the emergency room by her husband my brother Davanh. I read his post and nearly lost all sense of being let alone any sort of ability to control my already stupid emotions.
“Last Friday I brought Corinne Vilayvanh, my wife, to the ER. She couldn’t move her right leg or arm and by Saturday morning she lost her speech.
She’s been poked with needles, had many MRIs, a catscan, and 2 spinal taps. She’s had restless nights of tossing and people coming in to take her vitals seemingly just after falling asleep. She needs assistance getting to the bathroom, which is just a portable chair with a bucket.
She’s been drinking thickened water and juice to help keep her from coughing, she’s gotten sick a few times, and really hasn’t had much of an appetite(still eating some food though).
The original thought was that she had MS, but we’re sure it’s not that anymore (thank god). They found traces of an enterovirus in her spinal fluid and believe that this what caused her to have “Acute disseminated encephalomyelitis” (ADEM ) which is an auto immune reaction to her body trying to fight the virus. Her immune system started attacking the myelin on the nerves in her brain and also caused inflammation of her brain. The myelin is an insulating layer that protects the signals sent and received between nerves. Without this, her nerves misfire and show as electrical storms on an MRI. ADEM, MS, and many more illnesses have the same symptoms, which is why they had so many tests.
Her parents, sister, and my family came up over the weekend to show they’re love and support. The helped me get periods of much need rest in between trying to care for her and manage life with a 2.5 hour window once a day.
Since our family has gone back home to NJ, nick, my youngest brother has been giving me a hand by being present during the moments I need to step away.
She’s been doing great. she’s been so strong and patient, improving a little bit everyday. She’s finished her treatment and we’re hoping to go rehab soon, hopefully today. We’re waiting on some insurance things to go through, but she’s well on her way to recovery.
As for myself, I’m hanging in there. The way i see it, the least I can do right now is be the best possible husband I can for the best wife any guy can ask for.
The man is a soldier.
The burden he bears and still maintains, I only hope he knows how impressed I am with the man he has become. Not that he needs to have a care for how impressed I am. I just am.
While I know she will recover, Corinne is far too strong to let this contain her. She is a fire, Davanh breathes into her and she will engulf and burn away that which tethers her and vice versa. Their love will be a Phoenix unto themselves, but as sure as I am I ask you my readers who entertain my thoughts and words to please visit upon them the same kindness and strength you have me and that I know they would you.
The link above is not even of their making it is one of the many people who love them as I do trying to help.
So when we started this my imaginary friends, we talked of life and its treasures and we discussed its tragedy. Life is all but certain friends. It can show itself and its hidden meanings in differing ways. Life will take you, me, all of us down numerous roads; it will raise us up in moments unparalleled glory and, it will find us alone in the most awful of times. It happens though. I say we do what we can to make it beautiful together. Lest we lose all sight of it and die alone literally and metaphorically.
I ramble like a mad man for many reasons, because I am passionate about the things I say and about the people I talk about and because I am in the end a mad man. After it al though
I am Kevin
I breathe fire and dream demons.