There has been a rather long standby period in my life.
Depression has it’s claws in my head and more and more it feels like an uphill fight for my clarity.
The outlets I previously used such as nameless or bastards have become foreign lands to me. They are filled with individuals who are more self concerned and self impressed than the reality of the situation should allow. This makes being there hard. If I’m being honest there is also a lot of internal hurt that goes along with these groups as during the splintering and refitting of said groups. I was briefly ostracized by both for reasons that were more than a little insane. I spent a large period of time shoving my insecure feelings and resentment down inside myself. Not healthy at all. It was eating away at me. I had to finally accept that the majority of those people were not who I thought they were. It sucked bags of donkey dicks.
Things have progressed though.
Along with some friends I opened the doors to the small group I had previously made for myself as a refuge for when things got to be too much in my head.
It’s been renamed The Last Exit, my morbid tribute to Hubert Selby Jr while trying to craft in into this place of support and Warhol meets Salinger on drugs. I think it has been successful. More so than I planned for.
Which induces new stressors. I’m happy to take it on though. The people I dragged together sit and open up to each other and seem to be help knit closed the holes they tore in themselves previously. It makes me smile though I will deny it forever.
Let’s see where the future takes us.